One thing’s for sure; we are all human beings and we all make mistakes-no one is perfect. But, to a child, their parents are more than just humans. Parents are their creators, caretakers, and guardians. Our parents are the only thing we’re familiar with in the vast unknown; so, parents are a vital part of a child’s psyche.
When it comes to parenthood, it’s important to mention that there is no such thing as a perfect parent; however, it’s a parent’s obligation to always strive to become as better as possible. In order to do this, you should know that there are certain phrases that you should never use when you talk to your child. Let’s take a look:
You are worthless- definitely, the worst phrase a parent can say to a child. Children expect approval from their parents and when you say things like this, the child will constantly seek approval from the outside world as well. Instead of guiding them into finding their own worth, you’re making the child believe that there is nothing that can be found. Instead, use phrases like: You can do better, nobody is perfect, you will do better next time, etc.
Stop crying right now– in most of the cases, when a child does something wrong, he/she presume that they will be punished for it and so they begin crying. They have the right to express their emotions and if you tell them to stop crying, in the long run, you’re programming the child to suppress their emotions, which is not a good thing. Instead, use phrases like: It’s completely okay to cry because it shows how you feel. Hug the child and explain them their mistake.
I am disappointed in you– making the child responsible for you disappointment is rather selfish. A parent can be disappointed in a friend, a movie, or politics, but a parent should never be disappointed in their child because a parent’s purpose is to show the child the right way. When your child does a mistake, guide them back onto the right path. It’s your guidance that’s wrong, not the child. Teach him/her to make a difference between right and wrong and explain them where they went wrong and how to make things right.
You are not enough– if you use this phrase, you’re implying that there is something that the child lacks in order to be loved and to be who they want to be. The role of the parent is to teach the child that he/she is enough and that they will always be. As a tree is enough to be a tree even when it’s only just a seed; the child is also enough; he/she just needs to grow, same as the tree. Tell your child that he/she is enough to be or to do what they love, they just need practice.
Big boys/girls don’t get scared– saying a phrase like this will force them to reject how they honestly feel. Fear is not a bad thing and it reminds us to be careful. A fear shouldn’t be run away from, but faced. This will help the child learn from it and despite what many people think; real courage is not being fearless, but facing the fear even when you are terrified. Tell your child that it’s okay to be scared because we all get scared sometimes; Make sure they know that they are your little heroes.